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...and nothing has changed, except I still don't know what I'm going to do with the rest of my life aside from getting healthy.

I'll just keep submitting art here until I go, I guess, so watch this space.
  • Listening to: Nothing at the moment
  • Reading: A ton of graphic novels
  • Watching: Who the frack will know? I may cancel my cable!
  • Playing: Nothing at the moment
  • Eating: Now, I am going to be on a diet!
  • Drinking: See above
How so?

Last Thursday, all was well. 

Then on Friday morning, I can't go anywhere or do anything because my feet hurt. Really hurt (I'm a diabetic, and I thought at first that it was diabetic nerve pain, but it wasn't-more on that later.) Missed seeing Spider-Man: Homecoming in IMAX at my favorite theater, plus a lot of other things I wanted and needed to do. I spent all of Friday, Saturday, and Sunday on the couch/bed in pain, having to crawl to the bathroom on my hands and knees and only being able to make dinner once on Saturday that way.

On Monday, I give up hope of ever getting up to walk, and have to call for an ambulance. I'm taken to Toronto General Hospital , have to be in the ER for a day and a half, and am seen by doctors, who tell me that I have gout and kidney damage (possibily due to the medications I'm taking) and must stay in the hospital for a while. My feet are swollen, and I have to practice PT with a walker in order to restore mobility to my feet while the anti-gout meds kick in and do their work so that I can walk on non-gouty feet. How the frak I'm ever going to get out of this, I have no idea. And half of July might as well be over, even though it's July 13th.

One thing I know must happen; this time, my life must really change and that means me truly losing weight and becoming more active, even if I die in the process.</b> Future plans involve me buying a bike, bike helmet, and spending the rest of the summer riding said bike more (I live in downtown Toronto, almost near Queen's Quay and it's bike setup, so that should be easy for me.) I'm also going to be really dieting (like I said I would) as much as possible, and trying to lose my 340 lbs., with a goal of about 180 lbs. This means less of the stuff I used to eat, and less of the sedentary activities (surfing the 'Net, playing DC Universe Online, watching TV shows on OTA digital TV, Netflix, and seeing movies on home video.) I'll also try to be cleaning up my apartment, either by myself, or with help, just to keep myself busy. All of this is to bring about a new Neville Ross instead of the old one-I've failed in everything else in life, but at least I can't fail in this enterprise. 

I may even be talking about my progress in this project in future entries, so anybody that knows me should/might want to watch this space.
  • Listening to: Nothing at the moment
  • Reading: A ton of graphic novels
  • Watching: Who the frack will know? I may cancel my cable!
  • Playing: Nothing at the moment
  • Eating: Now, I am going to be on a diet!
  • Drinking: See above
Let's see:

*I got sick in September, had to go to the hospital, missed most of Fan Expo.

*My computer's hard drive crashed, destroying all of my photos I took this year.

*I let my sugars rise, and I was in the hospital again.

And yes, it's my fault.

Hopefully, things will get better the rest of this month.
  • Listening to: Nothing at the moment
  • Reading: A ton of graphic novels
  • Watching: Who the frack will know? I may cancel my cable!
  • Playing: Nothing at the moment
  • Eating: Now, I am going to be on a diet!
  • Drinking: See above
And again, the same question-what the frack do I do now? Heck, what the frack do I do today to celebrate my birthday?
  • Listening to: Nothing at the moment
  • Reading: A ton of graphic novels
  • Watching: Who the frack will know? I may cancel my cable!
  • Playing: Nothing at the moment
  • Eating: Now, I am going to be on a diet!
  • Drinking: See above
I caught this commercial of them promoting Samsung stuff...

  • Listening to: Nothing at the moment
  • Reading: A ton of graphic novels
  • Watching: Who the frack will know? I may cancel my cable!
  • Playing: Nothing at the moment
  • Eating: Now, I am going to be on a diet!
  • Drinking: See above
A wise man once said of another man who was about to have a shortened life and who'd decided to devote the rest of it to improving the human condition, 'On that day, I shall mourn.' Now, the actor who played that wise man is himself gone-and today, I'm mourning him.
May the light be with you always, Leonard, and with us.

/www.cbc.ca/player/News/… 
  • Listening to: Nothing at the moment
  • Reading: A ton of graphic novels
  • Watching: Who the frack will know? I may cancel my cable!
  • Playing: Nothing at the moment
  • Eating: Now, I am going to be on a diet!
  • Drinking: See above

So, I turn 47 today

Mon Feb 16, 2015, 4:48 PM


..another year older, and and [probably] wiser. But I still don't know what to do with the rest of my life, as usual.

So I guess that I'll still be the same.

This journal was coded by LineBirgitte - graphics by xyphid
  • Listening to: Nothing at the moment
  • Reading: A ton of graphic novels
  • Watching: Who the frack will know? I may cancel my cable!
  • Playing: Nothing at the moment
  • Eating: Now, I am going to be on a diet!
  • Drinking: See above

I said it, and I did it

Mon Jul 21, 2014, 11:24 AM


.....and now here they are, my cosplay pics from ConBravo! , as promised last month.

For anybody that attended Con Bravo that has a dA account, here's the URL with the cosplay pics from this weekend again: neville6000.deviantart.com/gal…

This journal was coded by LineBirgitte - graphics by xyphid
  • Listening to: Nothing at the moment
  • Reading: A ton of graphic novels
  • Watching: Who the frack will know? I may cancel my cable!
  • Playing: Nothing at the moment
  • Eating: Now, I am going to be on a diet!
  • Drinking: See above


....but I won't be missing ConBravo or Fan Expo, so expect to see tons of cosplay pictures from me after those events.

This journal was coded by LineBirgitte - graphics by xyphid
  • Listening to: Nothing at the moment
  • Reading: A ton of graphic novels
  • Watching: Who the frack will know? I may cancel my cable!
  • Playing: Nothing at the moment
  • Eating: Now, I am going to be on a diet!
  • Drinking: See above
...and again, where do I go next? For today, I guess that I'll clean up my apartment and just go out later. But after that, who knows?
  • Listening to: Nothing at the moment
  • Reading: A ton of graphic novels
  • Watching: Who the frack will know? I may cancel my cable!
  • Playing: Nothing at the moment
  • Eating: Now, I am going to be on a diet!
  • Drinking: See above
-so what the frack do I do now?

I can take pictures, but I'm probably not pro enough to make a living at it. All that I can do is get a job at a fast food restaurant because of what happened to me in my past and because of all of the problems with my disability. I could go back to school, but my studying skills are shit. I can't join the army, or navy, or air force, can't be a cop, doctor, lawyer, or have anything to do with computers. I don't know how to do anything except wash dishes and (maybe) serve food.

So, what the frack do I do? I swear, I'm not going back to any more programs for the disabled or mentally ill (I should have never been in those in the first place.) I could be a monk, but that would require travel to wherever monasteries are. Or, I could just end it all right now. But, I still have family that might miss me, so I suppose I'll have to stay and bash on, regardless.

Anybody here have any ideas as to what a 45 year-old man with no skills can do?
  • Listening to: Nothing at the moment
  • Reading: A ton of graphic novels
  • Watching: Who the frack will know? I may cancel my cable!
  • Playing: Nothing at the moment
  • Eating: Now, I am going to be on a diet!
  • Drinking: See above
I guess I gushed about Polaris too soon and thought it would still be around, for now comes some sad news; the Polaris convention as it has been for the past 30-something years may be no more in its current form.

From the horse's mouth:

"A MESSAGE REGARDING THE FUTURE OF POLARIS
This is a very important message from the TCON Promotional Society Board of Directors, regarding the future of Polaris. For those of you who may not be aware of who we are, the TCON Promotional Society is the not-for-profit corporation behind both Polaris and The Constellation Awards, and the role of the TCON Promotional Society Board of Directors is to manage and plan the long-term success of the various events that we produce. (Think of TCON as being the "production company", with Polaris and The Constellation Awards being our two current "productions" every year, each put together by their own production team.) Part of TCON's duty is to decide every year what form our events will take in the following year, and who will lead them. The last few years have seen a lot of change in the landscape of Toronto science fiction and related fandoms. Once upon a time, there were only a couple of events for our core audience to look forward to every year. That's no longer the case. There are now a multitude of events going on all year, with traditional fan conventions being joined by Comicons and toy shows and autograph shows and pub-nights and concerts and charity events of various kinds - there is now a fandom event of some kind in the area on almost every week of the year, especially in the summer months.

This has had a distinct effect on our ability to grow our primary event, Polaris, year over year. It has also had a distinct effect on what our members expect from our events, on how much disposable income the average fan in Toronto has available to them to spend on events, and, perhaps most importantly, on how much time and energy the average volunteer has to invest in helping to make large events such as Polaris happen. We have, as you know, held two town halls to get a better understanding of what our members expect from and value in our events, and what level of volunteerism they are willing to invest in us. Having reviewed all of this, the Board has had to face a new reality: We have come to the conclusion that it is not feasible to continue to run Polaris as it now exists and reach the levels of success that we would like to achieve as an organization. What does this mean? It means that we'll be producing an event in 2013, but that event will reflect this new reality. We'll be soliciting proposals from the community, looking for new ideas, new types of events - and new leaders to help make those ideas a reality. We have in fact already received one high-level proposal that is being refined and reviewed for the fall of 2013, which we are very enthusiastic about.

Some may see this as an "ending" or even as being the "death" of our event. Not so. At all. This is a move forward - an evolution rather than a termination. Even, to borrow a term from Doctor Who, a regeneration. What comes next will be something new and different, but built on the 26 years of experience and on the spirit that you have told us is what distinguishes Polaris from the other events in the city. The spirit that was Toronto Trek and is now Polaris will live on in something new, something different, something exciting! Certainly more details on this will be announced in the coming months. The most important message we can give you right is now is that this does not impact Polaris 26 at all! The pressure will now be on all of us to make Polaris 26 the best one yet. To that end, we are extending the pre-reg deadline to June 11th to give you all an extra chance to join us this year."




This saddens me and angers me, because I LOVED this convention to bits. It was one of the certainties of my life that I could go to this every July and have a great time; now, it's gone, a victim of all the competition around the region it's held in (mostly also from the big 'con-job at the convention center' (as I call the Fan Expo/SFX event that's held every late August at the Metro Toronto Convention Center). That convention is soulless and corporate, with a nasty regard for the people that attend it (attendees are rushed in and out of autograph lines, aren't allowed to take pictures of the stars that they've come to see, or even to shake hands with them, autograph lines aren't/weren't set up properly, etc.) Plus, all that people ever do when they come there is go to the dealer's room and just wander around looking at all the stuff sold there. Aside from the Saturday Night Masquerade, the cosplayers and the guests (this year's guests are amazing, I'll admit) the convention is nothing but a massive three day flea market, and NOTHING more than that; I'm only going-if I can-because Patrick Stewart (Captain Jean-Luc Picard on  Star Trek: The Next Generation) will be attending, his first appearance at this even since an appearance that was supposed to happen at SFX/Fan Expo had to be cancelled due to a heart problem. The reason Polaris couldn't compete, and has seemingly folded, was because Hobbystar Marketing (and its American counterpart/partner Creation) signs up most of the media stars to exclusive contracts, preventing organizations like Polaris to have to do without them, or only get them for one day of the convention (Saturday or Sunday only, which happened with Katee Sackoff one year and Terry Farrell another year.)

I much prefer local (to the Southern Ontario region) fan-run events like Polaris, Con Bravo, and Anime North (all of which I've got my cosplay pictures from) than 'conventions' like Fan Expo/SFX; these evens are held by fans for fans, and they give a shit, unlike Fan Expo/SFX.  (Think that I'm just talking bullshit? Check out this letter of complaint to somebody at Fan Expo from a well-known local fan, Sid [aka Neo Engel, who's turned up in a few of my cosplay pictures] and then tell me it's all bullshit then.)

It's sad that fandom is being swallowed up by big conglomerates like these that give fans and the general public a pale imitation of the actual convention experience, as (and as much) as I can, I'll be still going to the above-mentioned fan run ones, while reluctantly going to Fan Expo just to see the non-anime media stars that I know and have become accustomed to (I won't be crossing the border for science fiction cons-there's no fracking way I will put up with border patrol bullshit just to experience the heaven of a three day event that I enjoy.) So, for now, enjoy the pics that I've posted of cosplayers from Polaris this year (only some of which, I'm sad to report, only turned out well-I had an accident with the film in the camera twice.) You all will also be still seeing anime/manga cosplay pics from me, as I'll be going to Anime North and Con Bravo a lot more, so I guess things aren't too bad on that front.

But, I'll still be missing Polaris.

(Now, if we could only get a version of the fan-run non-profit San Diego Comic Con to happen in Toronto...)
  • Listening to: Nothing at the moment
  • Reading: A ton of graphic novels
  • Watching: Who the frack will know? I may cancel my cable!
  • Playing: Nothing at the moment
  • Eating: Now, I am going to be on a diet!
  • Drinking: See above
And I'll be there, with my camera, to take pictures of everything cosplay-worthy and related to science fiction!

What is Polaris, you might ask? Well, it's a sci-fi con held in Toronto (in nearby Richmond Hill, to be exact) each and every July, and until recently, it used to be called Toronto Trek due to it being strictly a Star Trek convention (the name was changed to reflect the width and breadth of sci-fi out there.) The convention has a mix of Star Trek and sci-fi media guests, and (IMHO) is one of the best conventions in this part of North America.

I've been going to this convention for 35 years, and so far, I haven't lost interest in it; my summers feel empty if I don't go to one. The highlight of my time at this con is, of course, the Saturday Night Masquerade, where I participate as a stage assistant ('stage Ninja') who helps the cosplayers on and off the stage and also from falling off of it. I love this because I get access to the cosplayers and can take their pictures there as a part of the Masquerade staff (I also take them later after the Masquerade, in the hotel auditorium's foyer.) Those pictures will be the main focus, and what I'll be posting here on dA.

There's also the guests of the con, and this year's are just as great as previous years:  Neil Grayston, Tony Amendola, Dichen Lachman, J. G. Hertzler, Robert O'Reilly, Wil Wheaton, and Norman Spinrad. Other things at it; the Blastoff Party, the Constellation Awards, the Z'AARX charity auction in support of Gilda's Club (a charity devoted to helping women with breast cancer set up in memory of comedienne and Second City/Saturday Night Live alumni Gilda Radner, who lost her life to ovarian cancer), two dances on Friday & Saturday night, a video room to see TV shows and movies in, a con suite (when last did you ever see one of these at a convention, unless it was fan-run like this one?),  a video game room, and of course, the standard dealer's room that's a part of every convention.

So all in all, I'll be having fun, and hope to see any of my fellow Deviants there, if any of them will be going.

Polaris 26
  • Listening to: Nothing at the moment
  • Reading: A ton of graphic novels
  • Watching: Who the frack will know? I may cancel my cable!
  • Playing: Nothing at the moment
  • Eating: Now, I am going to be on a diet!
  • Drinking: See above
rocked the house, and then some!

I saw it last night at the Cineplex Famous Players Scotiabank Theater (formerly the Paramount) at midnight (around 12:10), and I have to say, I was very impressed.

Acting, script, direction, AND FX were all top-notch. But for me as a fan, the best thing was seeing cosplayers dressed up as the Avengers (one big guy as Thor, and a group of ladies [plus one guy] as gender swapped Avengers! That's right, female Avengers!

And I have the pictures, which I will post as soon as they're developed, so watch this space.
  • Listening to: Nothing at the moment
  • Reading: A ton of graphic novels
  • Watching: Who the frack will know? I may cancel my cable!
  • Playing: Nothing at the moment
  • Eating: Now, I am going to be on a diet!
  • Drinking: See above
I just celebrated a birthday, Now, I'll be going to a funeral.

My beloved mother, Eula Joan Husbands (once Ross) (usually Joan) died on Monday night just short of her 74th birthday, after celebrating it Sunday afternoon with my sister and my brother-in-law. She was in a nursing home due to Alzheimer's, which for her began in 2000 and got worse in 2005-she retired from her job as a community nurse just in time.

My mother emigrated to Canada in the 1960s to become a nurse, but also because she wanted to live in Canada where the opportunities were. She lived in Calgary for a few years studying nursing, then moved north to Toronto where she got a job at the Queen Street Mental Hospital (today known as the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health-Queen Street Mental Health Centre Annex.) She met my father, schoolteacher Neville Rupert Ross in 1965, fell in love and married him in 1966, then found and rented an apartment with him at the corner of King Street & Jameson Avenue in the Kingsview apartments. My mother had me and my younger brother, Peter-John Ross, in 1968 and 1969, respectively; we then moved to suburban Toronto (in the Willowdale district of the borough of North York) in 1970, where we lived as a family (my sister came in 1979) until my parents separated in 1981, and I went to live with my mom due to my not getting along with my dad. In the previous years, she raised us while working at the hospital and also going back to school to hone her skills and get her Canadian certification in nursing, becoming an R.N. working at Queen Street and then working with an outpatient program that helped mental health patients survive outside of it and the Clarke Institute.

My life with my mother had its ups and its downs, but I came to care for her and love her in the recent years (more so her than him, which was strained due to his dictatorial and controlling nature.) I never knew how much I would miss having her around me to go and visit when she had to movie into a nursing home due to her Alzheimer's in 2007; even visiting her at her apartment was over. What remained was just seeing her dwindle away and not be able to remember me, my sister, my uncle and aunt, her friends, or my brother-in-law. Now, she is gone, and I don't know what to feel-do I feel relief at her not suffering anymore, or do I feel sadness at her passing, wondering what to do next without her as a disabled person?


All I can focus on after the funeral next Monday i what I will do with the rest of my life, and about that matter, I have no real idea. Everything's up in the air, or in freefall.

Rest in peace, Mom.
  • Listening to: Nothing at the moment
  • Reading: A ton of graphic novels
  • Watching: Who the frack will know? I may cancel my cable!
  • Playing: Nothing at the moment
  • Eating: Now, I am going to be on a diet!
  • Drinking: See above
Today, yours truly is 44 years of age (young or old? I'm not so sure.) I guess I survive another day, although only the Fates know how long I have to be alive.

What will I do today? Well, I'll be taking my T-5 slip to a local tax-filing place, hopefully getting my taxes done (although I'm on ODSP, I still get a tax credit, I believe) getting an instant cash back (minus the fee for having it filed), depositing it into the bank, and then spending it on a gift for my birthday! What will I get? I have no idea. I have to get my pics back from the two photofinishing places as well, and posting those here at dA.

Those that know me can wish me well, and can also give me money (if they so desire) through that money thing that dA provides (please?) :D
  • Listening to: Nothing at the moment
  • Reading: A ton of graphic novels
  • Watching: Who the frack will know? I may cancel my cable!
  • Playing: Nothing at the moment
  • Eating: Now, I am going to be on a diet!
  • Drinking: See above
...and wouldn't you know it, they turned out shitty!

Only two (or three) of the pics I took at Con Bravo were any good, the rest are all crappy and washed out (or completely black.) It looks like the wrong film and lenses were the culprit.

To those that I contacted promising to show the pictures, I'm sorry, and I will try to do a better job next year.

EDIT: Oh hell, the culprit was me: I should have read the instructions. and loaded the film better.
  • Listening to: Nothing at the moment
  • Reading: A ton of graphic novels
  • Watching: Who the frack will know? I may cancel my cable!
  • Playing: Nothing at the moment
  • Eating: Now, I am going to be on a diet!
  • Drinking: See above
...from Con Bravo!

Although my apartment is in a mess, I decided to go to Con Bravo in Burlington, Ontario this past weekend, carrying my film camera, and I was not disappointed.

I got so much cosplay pics that it wasn't even funny-most of it on film via my Minolta Maxxum 5000 SLR and an older Nikon Coolpix 4800 ED digital camera that I've had knocking about my apartment (my usual Samsung NV40 needs a new power cord/USB thingy.) For such a small convention, it was actually quite good, and I managed to enjoy myself, in addition to getting all of the cosplay pics that I mention before. All told, this more than makes up for not being at Anime North this year or last year.

What is left now is to develop the rolls of film resulting from going to Con Bravo, and posting them here at dA. When they are posted (and I hope that they turned out well), prepare to be amazed.
  • Listening to: Nothing at the moment
  • Reading: A ton of graphic novels
  • Watching: Who the frack will know? I may cancel my cable!
  • Playing: Nothing at the moment
  • Eating: Now, I am going to be on a diet!
  • Drinking: See above
...except at Polaris or SFX.

I just wasn't able to get my membership ready in time to go, nor was I able to buy the film camera I wanted (the one I had last year died on me after only a month and a half.) I will try to get cosplay pics (anime,manga,and otherwise) at the above-mentioned conventions, and I will post them-don't worry about that.

To anybody at Anime North that misses me-I'll be at Polaris and SFX, so you will see me. Next year, if the Fates will it, I will be at Anime North taking pictures. 'Till then...
  • Listening to: Nothing at the moment
  • Reading: A ton of graphic novels
  • Watching: Who the frack will know? I may cancel my cable!
  • Playing: Nothing at the moment
  • Eating: Now, I am going to be on a diet!
  • Drinking: See above
Well, it seems I went to the doctor too late; now I actually am a full-fledged diabetic, with the insulin to take and everything!!! My life has changed completely; I'm not even sure that I will be able to do the things I used to do (*cough* conventions *cough*), or even take pictures!

Everything I used to eat? Reduced to the four basic food groups!

Exercise? Gotta do it all of the time now, with less 'Net surfing, probably; this means finding something to do during the day that will keep me from the conditions that led me to my present state.

Life has thrown me a big curve-ball, and I must now navigate it, health wise.

I will probably be posting extra stuff that I took over the last year; beyond that, who knows? The main focus of this new year is my health, not anything else that I was doing up to The Event (when I became sick and had to go to the hospital before the holidays); nothing else really matters now.

Maybe I'll get a SLR camera and take cosplay pictures at Anime North: maybe I'll do the same at Polaris. Nothing is now set in stone anymore (not that it ever was anyway, because I've also most likely been depressed, which is what led to this!) All that matters now is taking things one step at a time with my health and the rest of my life. I feel like Tony Stark with the heart-thing in his chest keeping the metal bits from reaching his heart, somewhat. Only he can still eat what he wants and drink what he wants: I can't.

New life change, new things to do: I've been asleep too fracking long anyway!

'The sleeper must awaken-Jürgen Prochnow as Leto Atreides I in the 1984 film version of Frank Herbert's Dune.
  • Listening to: Nothing at the moment
  • Reading: A ton of graphic novels
  • Watching: Who the frack will know? I may cancel my cable!
  • Playing: Nothing at the moment
  • Eating: Now, I am going to be on a diet!
  • Drinking: See above